Monday, September 17, 2012

Passion

Sometimes I wake up before my alarm with these great ideas and need to put something in motion.  I dream so passionately, but my reality is so different.  I would really love for these two things to be closer together on my life spectrum.

Today's dream really was passion.  I woke up before my alarm because the woman in me wanted to be kissed gently, held close, and loved.  Where does that go with marriage?  In the early stages of our courtship (<- did I just say that?) we couldn't keep our hands off each other...even in the first 5 years of our marriage with two kids I was just completely smitten...butterflies and all with the thought of coming home to my life partner.  It seems with time, 3 kids, sports, homework and life our passion has resorted to "I hope I can stay awake passed the news".  Sex seems to be a distance memory and kissing...well I honestly don't remember the last time I got a kiss.

*sigh*

Here's my problem...men, well my husband anyway, just don't get it.  He won't understand where I am coming from.  If I confront him today and say "I'm not happy right now...you never kiss me anymore, you never touch me-unless you wanna hump my leg for a few seconds considering that 'playful foreplay' and get it on to our 10 min romp, when we will then just roll over and go to sleep".   He would look at me like I had worms growing out of my ears like "where did this come from??" and, the truth is, he would be right.

As his wife I just can't decide one day that I'm not sexually happy and drop the "you suck in bed cause you never kiss me anymore" bombshell and put the blame on him.  I mean, am I right? He's rolling with the punches of life just like I am.  His testosterone screams "MEAT, BEER, SEX" in that order and my lady hormones want to be cuddled NOW, when- at least the last 10 years of marriage- I've been "okay" with our (lifeless) sex life (in his eyes) cause I haven't even mentioned it.  To him, essentially, the perfect wife...right? I don't even expect foreplay.  Really I've wanted it all along at least 75% of the time, but have felt too awkward to mention it-since it's been an "okay/working routine".

So...after 13 years of marriage, how do I change up the routine without coming across as this crazy hormonal bitch?  AND....what if we don't have that passion anymore?  Maybe that's what I am really worried about...the ever-dreaded "NO SPARK" marriage-ender?

There ya have it. My first world problems.

Cheers!

Jeni